To get through this life of ours we take certain measures to ensure smooth sailing. Muddy roughing waters never did it for us. Too big of a chance for casualties. We all need something, some magical charmed substance, to keep us afloat on our daily journeys. Whether it be the daily work grind or a trip to the playground with your tyke, one thing stays consistent: we need to get high, just to get by. Here are some of the top highs, taken from personal polls, to ensure your boat graces the water with both power and panache.

The hippy hi-ball (weed & coffee)

Drugs

Every white girl’s favourite. Smoke a joint of hearty indica, such as Purple Kush, don your pink mink coat and mosey on over to Starbucks. (The hardest part here is braving the line and the imposing Starbucks girl not judging you for getting high.) For optimal experience, a regular drip coffee is recommended, preferably black, without dressing, though to each his/her own.

The calming pacifying effect of the indica, the sleeper of the two strains, gets balanced by the immense caffeine high of Starbucks coffee and instantly has you rolling like a heated nucleus. You feel perceptive and calm from the weed but less drowsy and in some cases actually energized by the coffee. At 20.6 mg per fluid ounce Starbucks coffee out-caffeines other chains and the Purple Kush strain, respectively, is usually up there on the THC scale between 20 and 25 mg. This power combo will get your day started right! Good also for creativity.

Chocolate

Drugs

According to a compilation of studies gathered by Forbes magazine, chocolate is the best thing for us in the world. It improves our mental functioning, prevents brain disease, heart disease, improves cholesterol, improves memory functioning, actually decreases the risk of diabetes, lessens stress for busy-bee mothers (according to a Finnish study), raises our sexual activity and induces spiritual ascension.

Notwithstanding its widespread health benefits, chocolate makes you feel good simply because it tastes so damn good. The best time of day to consume chocolate is mid-afternoon, when sugar reserves start to dip and you could use the mental pick-me-up to finish your day on a strong note. As did the British for hundreds of years, treat your chocolate break as just that, a break. A great substitute for cigarettes, which are vile and make you feel 100, chocolate gives you a quick boost, if nothing else for your morale.

Candy Tripping

Drugs

This blend of LSD/acid and MDMA/ecstasy will have you in the bathroom for hours with your best friends and a supply of glow sticks. Everyone has heard, from the 70s lore leftover in our culture, that LSD enlightens and causes regular individuals like Steve Jobs to become a visionary overnight.

“Taking LSD was a profound experience, one of the most important things in my life. LSD shows you that there’s another side to the coin, and you can’t remember it when it wears off, but you know it. It reinforced my sense of what was important—creating great things instead of making money, putting things back into the stream of history and of human consciousness as much as I could.” – Steve Jobs

Add MDMA into the mix, the drug that made us all dumb, the “club drug”, and you have an experience that is slightly more engaging and manageable. The ‘M’, ingested roughly 30 minutes after the first hit of LSD, counteracts the dragging quality of the acid and keeps you grounded on this physical plane: actually providing energy. In lay terms, you get the introspection and visual playground that is acid with amphetamine preventing you from getting lost or tripping out!

Gatorade

Drugs

Probably the most dangerous of all the drugs on this list, Gatorade checks in with a whopping 56 grams of sugar per bottle. This sugar water tastes fantastic–check the green apple flavor–and will give you that short-term burst of new energy.

Unfortunately, as with most sugar highs, Gatorade comes with a massive come-down/low that latches its tentacles an hour after consumption, in fact making you more sluggish. But if you need a quick hit, or you’re sick and sugar levels are teetering on oblivion, then yes, Gatorade is your drug. Sugar, if you hadn’t figured it out, is the number one drug in the world (Tip: stay away from Powerade, the ugly cousin, as it contains more sugar, tastes worse, and is far more addictive).

Xanax and Cocaine

Drugs

Most popular with the kids nowadays, another clusterfuck of chemicals counteracting each other makes this upper/downer combo the happy meal of today’s drug culture. Xanax, the drug you’ve heard about on the news for containing lethal traces of Fentanyl, calms and reduces the care-receptors in your brain, and makes the most trivial experience like eating at Panda Express a spiritual connection.

Combine the cocaine and you’ll all of sudden want to have sex, not just languish there on the couch eating Doritos and commenting to your increasingly-agitated girlfriend why the carpet molecules are alive. The cocaine accounts for pills’ lameness and adds some much-needed stimulus to a high that often, if not countered properly, lands its users in the psych ward.

Just remember – Don’t do drugs kids – drugs are whack and cant severely impact your lives.

Words by Peter Marrack